30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 16

Today I'm thankful that I'm still breastfeeding Emma. I'm hoping the antibodies in my milk will help ease her case of RSV and speed her recovery.

I won!

I won a giveaway for the first time! I am so excited. The Clever Mommy does a lot of reviews and giveaways and I won the Milkin' Cookies Lactation Cookies giveaway! They are made with ingredients to promote lactation and I've heard they taste super-yummy also! I chose the Cranberry Almond Oatmeal (although they have Oatmeal Chocolate Chip also) and can't wait to try them.

Breastfeeding: my story

Maybe no one else cares, but I feel the need to share my story in light of all the publicity breastfeeding (and the debate surrounding it) has gotten the last few days.

I had to be induced at 37 weeks 1 day due to dangerously high blood pressure. (I saw it at 206/198 but my OB wouldn't tell me what it was at it's peak.) I wasn't given encouraged to bf before my daughter she was taken away, nor was I warned they were going to take her away for an extended time and I needed to take the opportunity. It was 5-6 hours after birth before they brought her to me initiate bf (while my family went to dinner) after they had already given her sugar water. I couldn't her to latch on and asked for an LC. The hospital had one peds nurse who was also an IBCLC and several "trained" nurses. Almost 2 hours later a nurse came in, positioned my baby, and walked out without saying a word. I still had no idea what she had done differently. I thought I had the hang of it and did alright the first 2 days. The second night a nurse came in and took my daughter. My husband was asleep so the nurse didn't say anything, but they did weight checks late at night so I didn't think much of it. But they didn't bring her back until after 8am. I never knew why. I stayed up all night worrying about where my baby was and when they would bring her back and whether they were giving her formula. But I was too scared to speak up for myself and too uninformed to know how much harm that could do to our breastfeeding relationship.
We were both released on Saturday despite Emma's "minor" jaundice. She had to be re-admitted Sunday. After a couple of hours she had a very small amount of blood in her diaper and the on call ped told the nurse to do xrays which showed no problems and still insisted I quit nursing (they did provide me with a pump but no help) and told me not to pick her up (to maximize time under the billirubin lights) and suggested a pacifier to soothe her. I felt helpless and heartbroken so I agreed.
She gained weight slowly- in little bursts averaging .5 oz/day as opposed to the "normal" 1 oz/day. My ped threatened to diagnose my daughter with failure to thrive which is automatically investigated as a possible case of child abuse/neglect if she didn't gain an "acceptable" amount of weight in THREE DAYS and then gave her a sample bottle in the office and sent me home with more. I had been "asked" to supplement her twice before but was literally afraid someone would take my baby away. If I had known then what I know now, I would have gotten a second opinion from another office (Well third really- I saw 2 peds in the same office but they stuck together like glue.), but I didn't.
Not long after that, I gave up. Temporarily. There is no chapter of LLL here, and we were going through some very hard times financially so I couldn't call on LC (and didn't have much faith in them after the hospital). A wonderful friend encouraged me not to give up (thanks Melissa!) so I spent my days reading everything I could on breastfeeding. In the meantime, our health insurance situation changed and Emma was now on Medicaid. And we had to change doctors. Shucks. It took research, time, tears, effort, and lots of prayer but I got her off of formula. (And boy did the WIC office look at me like I was crazy when I didn't want formula anymore but wanted to go to the exclusive breastfeeding package!) I worked hard to breastfeed my daughter, and I can empathize with women who have struggled and given up- I was there too- but I am now throwing myself into lactivism wholeheartedly. Not everyone was in a situation like mine where they have the time to find and try for themselves what someone should be there to show them.
If you agree, support a breastfeeding mom. Tell her you think she's doing a great job. Tell her you know it's hard. Ask her if she needs anything.Support a mom who tried. Tell her she did her best. Give her a hug. Ask her if she needs anything. Accept that the vast majority of parents do what's best for their kids to the best of their knowledge and ability and feel free to share information but don't judge. The arguing, fighting, back-biting,name calling, etc. only hurt breastfeeding and women in general.

Lesson Learned

This happened a couple of weeks ago, but I just haven't blogged about it yet. Every once in a while I'll have a "brilliant" idea and be overtaken by the stupids. This happened recently when I decided that I didn't like the adhesive on the back of the breast pads that are supposed to keep them in place. (I have found I have better luck with them staying in place on the ones that don't have this.) So I got the brilliant idea that I would just leave the paper backing on and not use the sticky part. BAD IDEA! DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME (or anywhere else)! What I thought would happen is that the little paper would stay there and keep the breast pad from sticking to the wrong part of my bra. What actually happened is that it managed to come off and the adhesive stuck to my nipple instead of my bra. Oh my goodness. That was painful. As I said: do not try this at home ladies. 'Cuz let me tell ya- it works a lot better on bare skin than cloth. If it comes with adhesive, use it whether it works or not because at least your bra gets the brunt of the sticky.

Medicine Double Whammy

Well, let me start by saying I will continue to breastfeed as long as possible, but I've gotten a double whammy from the world of medicine this week. First, cotton has started it's thing so I have been forced to start taking my Zyrtec again. I was trying not to (because antihistamines cause a decrease in breast milk production) but was starting to get a sore throat and itchy ears, so I had to take it before it turned into a sinus infection like it did while I was pregnant (and that was bad!) because I don't want to take antibiotics either. Second, I saw one of those class-action lawsuit commercials yesterday. Apparently Reglan (the medicine I am taking to help increase breast milk production) is linked to tardive dysknesia, a disorder that causes involuntary movements and is typically linked to anti-psychotics or dementia. Ugh. So we'll see what happens with Zyrtec and without Reglan now.

Breastfeeding update

Well, I had planned on stopping breastfeeding last time I wrote about it, but decided to just take things as they come, and if my milk is drying up, then I'll at least feed Emma as long as I can. I'm also worried there's not enough protein in my milk. That happened to my cousin, and it sounds similar to what's going on now, but again I'm just going to keep breastfeeding until I can't or the doctor tells me not to for Emma's health. I figure she's at least gtetting antibodies and such even if she's not getting optimum nutrition, and she has formula for that. For now, I seem to have enough to feed her twice a day and maybe a third time I can feed her some and give her formula after because she's still hungry. But I missed the bonding time too much when I tried to quit, and like I said I think the antibodies are better than nothing. So until something changes, I'll continue breasteeding part time :)

An unfortunate ending

After much deliberation, prayer, and not a few tears I have decided to give up breastfeeding Emma. I have been on Reglan but my milk supply continues to lessen rather than increase. I can no longer feed her enough even at one setting, having to supplement after she has eaten all that she can and can't even do that every feeding. I wish I could continue but feel it is best for her nutriotion, after all the problems she has had, to bottle-feed instead. I can no longer get out any milk while pumping, so she will be strictly formula-fed from now on. I'm disappointed as I had hoped to have her back to strictly the breast after she caught up in weight gain, but I just can't keep up with what she needs, and I want to make sure she gets what she needs. On a brighter note, she is still gaining weight at more than twice the expected rate and the doctor is pleased. She is on track to be caught up by her 4 month check up!

Long time, no post

Our computer(s) have been on the fritz for a long time, (2 of them bit the dust, and we've been having problems with this one for like a month) so I am going to post while it is working. Emma struggled with weight gain for the first 7 weeks of life. She only gained, on average, half an ounce a day instead of a full ounce like the doctors wanted. I was disappointed to have to begin supplementing with formula but wanted to do what was best for Emma. The doctor was on the verge of diagnosing her with failure to thrive if she did not start gaining weight more quickly. That was on a Friday. We started supplementing her- every other time formula or pumped breastmilk instead of breastfeeding- that day and she gained 7.5 ounces by Monday! Her next appointment was the following Tuesday (yesterday) and she gained 22.5 ounces in 8 days! So she is averaging over 2 ounces a day now and it shouldn't take her long to catch up. The doctor thinks that she was having trouble sucking hard enough to get enough milk from me, and that when the endorphins kicked in she just went to sleep instead of finishing eating. When we started supplementing, I also began having problems with my supply, so I am now on Reglan to help boost my breastmilk, so she continues to get as much of that as possible.

Yesterday Emma got her first shots. I knew she would cry- after all it hurts and she doesn't understand what's going on- but I kind of thought the nurse would be a little more gentle. She has a bruise the size of a quarter on one of her thighs now and all 3 shots bled a lot (in comparison to her size) more than I expected. She's had fever and REALLY bad gas (I'm blaming that on the oral vaccince they gave her) ever since and her poor little thighs hurt if you touch them. So she has spent most of the last 2 days naked since she is so hot and either nursing or sleeping. She's not been her usual happy, alert self and I can't wait until that is over!

I can't figure out this new operating system (a version of Linux) Jason put on the computer, but I promise new pictures soon. Check out her album on my facebook if you need some to hold you over until then :) !